Why I'm Doing This

"I've failed over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed."
 ~Michael Jordan

People are finally starting to notice the weight loss.  I’m getting more compliments and I can finally see it in my pictures.  But I’m like the boy who cried wolf.  My family and friends are used to the roller coaster and are most likely expecting that I will just put it all back on.  I have even felt that way myself.  I mean – everyone loves me now.  Overall I’m healthy.  Should I bother working hard just to put it back on?

The problem is that I’m healthy now.  But I’m more worried about 20 years from now.  The wear and tear that this extra weight is putting on my joints will eventually take its toll.  I want to be able to keep up with my grand kids.  I don’t see me retiring any time before 70 so I will still be working.  I don’t want to be the old lady hobbling to her office with a cane. 

I have to ask myself: “What exactly is it that I want?  Do I want to be thin?  Is healthy the goal?  Is what I want worth more than watching TV or having that bag of potato chips?”  Because taking it off is going to be ever so much harder than putting it back on.  And because I’m getting older it is even tougher than it was before.

Then I look at my children that were blessed with skinny genes from their dad.  For the moment.  If I live an unhealthy lifestyle, they are going to fall into that too.  And the thing I dread even more than me having to deal with being overweight is to ever see them have to.  There really isn’t a choice then, is there?  I want them to be healthy.  And I want to be here as long as possible for them and not be a burden on them.

There’s the picture aspect to.  I went for years being behind the camera.  I had the camera, so I always had an excuse not to be in the picture.  If I was, I always stood in the back so you couldn’t see my full body.  I didn’t want to see it so why would anyone else want to?  I was going to blog on this but Holly beat me to it.  Check out her painfully truthful yet beautiful post about getting in the picture http://www.300poundsdown.com/2013/01/get-in-the-picture.html.  When I got on Facebook, I had a handful of pictures I could post.  I even Photoshopped one because I didn’t want anyone to know how heavy I had gotten.  I have since learned to love myself for where I am now.  I take pictures when I can and don’t un-tag the unflattering ones. I still cringe every so often, but at least my kids can say that they had a mom.

And eventually I will remarry.  I don’t want to be the fat bride.  I want to buy a dress off the rack and even have it taken in a few places.  I don’t want to have to disguise my waist or hide my flapping arm wings.  I don’t want to have to get a certain haircut because it makes my face look thinner.  I want my face to actually be thinner.  I want to have chiseled arms and tight abs.  I want to look at my beautiful album and be the beautiful fit bride I know I can be.

So, basically I'm doing this for me.  And for my kids.  Not because anyone expects me to.  Not because I have to.  This time it's because I want to.  I know deep in my heart I'm capable of this.  I have to prove it to myself that I can.  And I will.  This time...